I Am More Than I Am

Saturday, November 17, 2012

November Popsugar Box

Who doesn't enjoy a lovely surprise in the mail? Not me! I was happy to receive my Popsugar box of November today :)

An Intro Card

A few recipes for Thanksgiving!

A box of Thank-You Cards by Snow & Graham

One Credit for Stylemint

Yemen N.10 Spices by La Boite

Blood Orange Lip Balm by Mor Cosmetics

Yogalosophy DVD by Gaiam

Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Mix by Stonewall Kitchen

Brown Leather Studded Wrap Bracelet by Gorjana-Griffin

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Yesterday afternoon I got home early to find a fresh loaf of crunch Italian bread on the kitchen table. Before I knew it, I had eaten the entire thing and I was working on the leftover halloween candy. I was fully aware that I was nearing an intake of 3000 calories but I just couldn't stop. I was angry at myself for the uncontrolled indulgence, but then I got to thinking, why do I keep doing this?

I thought about this most of the evening when I finally realized, food has become my only outlet and my only refuge. Let me explain. I live pretty comfortably with my family; by comfort, I mean, I make a decent living and I'm paying off my student loans by not paying rent. The draw back is, living with family means watching what you say and what you do and making sure not to cause trouble. I know you have to do this to a little extent in any living situation, but I often feel muzzled. The ridiculous part is, I have no one to blame but myself. I have the choice to go out more or to be more strong willed and do my own thing, but I let myself be ruled by amorphous, non-existant rules to be a hermit. Of course, I'm human and I need a form of escape for balance, and that's where food comes in for me.

I find solace, comfort, stability and escape in the reliability of good tastes, textures and the seretonin high. I like that food doesn't tell me what to do or judge me. The reality is though, I judge myself at the end of the day.

I don't want to be this girl at the end of the day. I don't want to self-suffocate and then self-abuse with food. I am worth more than this. The judge is me, not the balance, bank account or my family. It's me. I'm determined to change this cycle today. It's a new day, it's my new day and new start.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dog sitting in lap as I internet surf

Crudddddddddd

I'm not insane.

We've all heard the definition of insanity by Albert Einstein: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Yeah, I have been doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting something else. What is wrong with me? I'm a smart girl. Why do I keep getting myself into a rut? It's gotten me so frustrated and angry with myself in the last week, and I'm determined to change things. DETERMINED.

I've been making myself unhappy and whether I like it or not, it's been rubbing off the wrong way on everyone else around me. I'm not proud of it, but I'm ready to take ownership of it, and change things.

There are 5 very important things in my life that bring me sanity and happiness.

1. Family

2. Clean diet

3. Exercise

4. Accomplishing/Completing my work

5. Sleep

Although it doesn't sound like a lot, it is a lot to keep in check (at least for me). Sometimes (actually, oftentimes), it gets overwhelming and I just cave. I escape through unhealthy foods, withdraw into my cave and just ignore everything. Then, I PAY the consequences big time. Some prices have included

- Fights (big and small) with my family

- Gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

- My clothes don't fit!

- Behind on my work

- Not sleeping well

Obviously, the way I retreat from my life isn't healthy or efficient, and I need to change it. I've thought long about this, and I think I need to be more selfish (and self-focused) for a period of time, in order to actually end up less selfish. Does that make any sense to anyone?

I need to focus on bettering myself in order to be a better person altogether. That starts with better self-care particularly in regard to diet, exercise and sleep. I need to turn down the chocolates, treats and delicious dinners constantly put in my way (even if benevolently offered), put my foot down for myself and follow through. Of course the last part is the most difficult. Exercise wise I need to actually ramp it up and keep it up. I exercise 3 times a week but considering I've been consuming a minimum of 2200 calories every day, I should be exercising 3 times a day! I want to get back to my healthy weight, which is not a distant 25 pounds away (since gaining 10 lbs) and I'm DETERMINED to get there by New Years. I'm pretty sure a good 7 lbs is water weight, 5-7 lbs can be taken off with exercise and then for the rest? I've just got to clean up my eating. I'm confident I can get there.

It'll mean sacrifices and dedication.

1. Planned meals

2. No heavy meals out at restaurants or by others with ingredients including sugar, excess oil and who knows what else.

3. At least 30 minutes of exercise everyday. 30 on busy days, 45+ on my less busy days.

4. Getting sufficient sleep by putting my foot down. I say this because, my family just barges into my room in the morning, when I need to be sleeping. Then I make up for the lack of energy with food. It's a vicious, unhealthy cycle.

So here's to Saturday the 27th. I salute you, I'm ready for you and here we go! Here's to me!

October Glossybox & Physique 57 Discount!

Yay.. glossy box of October!

A Lip "Duo" by Model Co.

I really like the color, and the little mirror on the side, but I have 2 complaints:

1. gloss is a bit sticky and doesn't stay put.

2. The mirror isn't in a very practical spot. The only way to use it is to apply the lipstick and/ lipgloss free style and then check. Don't most of us girls look in the mirror while applying?

Blush by Kryolan

OK, wow, this color is very dense. You get your bang for your buck with regard to color pay off, but does it stay put or oxidize? While I'm happy to report that it doesn't oxidize on my skin and change colors, I'm sorry to say it doesn't really stay put. Strange, since it's supposed to be professional makeup..

Facial Enzyme Peel by Natassja Skin

I like it conceptually - natural, infused with a million vitamins, etc.

Turns out it doesn't do much for my skin.

Peppermint Soap by American company Heartland Fragrances.

It's a loofa inside a peppermint soap. Conceptually and initially it's a lot of fun. It reminded me of the old Office episodes when Jim would prank Dwight by putting setting his stapler in jello. The more I thought of the concept of a loofa inside the soap though, the more I thought of bacteria getting trapped inside. It's not antibacterial/antimicrobial soap after all! Eiw.. now I can't stop thinking about it.

Hair Shine Spray by Alterna

I actually use their Kendi Dry Oil Mist for shine, that I received as a free sample in a purchase at Skinstore.com, and I've been loving it. I tried this one upon arrival, and it is similar but a lighter version. No distinct smell and it sprays evenly, leaving the perfect shine on your hair. Looks really good on a ponytail.