I'm not insane.

We've all heard the definition of insanity by Albert Einstein: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."  

Yeah,  I have been doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting something else.  What is wrong with me?  I'm a smart girl.  Why do I keep getting myself into a rut?  It's gotten me so frustrated and angry with myself in the last week, and I'm determined to change things.  DETERMINED. 

I've been making myself unhappy and whether I like it or not, it's been rubbing off the wrong way on everyone else around me.  I'm not proud of it, but I'm ready to take ownership of it, and change things.  

There are 5 very important things in my life that bring me sanity and happiness.  

1. Family 

2. Clean diet

3. Exercise

4. Accomplishing/Completing my work

5. Sleep

Although it doesn't sound  like a lot, it is a lot to keep in check (at least for me).  Sometimes (actually, oftentimes), it gets overwhelming and I just cave.  I escape through unhealthy foods, withdraw into my cave and just ignore everything.  Then, I PAY the consequences big time.  Some prices have included

- Fights (big and small) with my family

- Gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

- My clothes don't fit!

- Behind on my work

- Not sleeping well

Obviously, the way I retreat from my life isn't healthy or efficient, and I need to change it.  I've thought long about this, and I think I need to be more selfish (and self-focused) for a period of time, in order to actually end up less selfish.  Does that make any sense to anyone?  

I need to focus on bettering myself in order to be a better person altogether.  That starts with better self-care particularly in regard to diet, exercise and sleep.  I need to turn down the chocolates, treats and delicious dinners constantly put in my way (even if benevolently offered), put my foot down for myself and follow through.  Of course the last part is the most difficult.  Exercise wise I need to actually ramp it up and keep it up.  I exercise 3 times a week but considering I've been consuming a minimum of 2200 calories every day, I should be exercising 3 times a day!  I want to get back to my healthy weight, which is not a distant 25 pounds away (since gaining 10 lbs) and I'm DETERMINED to get there by New Years.  I'm pretty sure a good 7 lbs is water weight, 5-7 lbs can be taken off with exercise and then for the rest?  I've just got to clean up my eating.  I'm confident I can get there.  

It'll mean sacrifices and dedication. 

1. Planned meals 

2. No heavy meals out at restaurants or by others with ingredients including sugar, excess oil and who knows what else.  

3. At least 30 minutes of exercise everyday.  30 on busy days, 45+ on my less busy days. 

4. Getting sufficient sleep by putting my foot down.  I say this because, my family just barges into my room in the morning, when I need to be sleeping. Then I make up for the lack of energy with food.  It's a vicious, unhealthy cycle.  

So here's to Saturday the 27th.  I salute you, I'm ready for you and here we go!  Here's to me!